admin Losing your identity in motherhood can happen and it’s more common than you think. So please don’t feel like you are alone in this struggle. I’m sharing my story and realization with you so that you know I’m struggling right there with you. I see you. I am here to encourage, support, and most importantly let you know that you are not alone.
Let me start off by saying, being a mom is my most proud role and the best job I have ever had. There isn’t a day that I am not grateful for my boys and being their mother. ⠀
But I lost myself so much to motherhood that I don’t even know what my needs are.⠀
I centered my life around my boys. I put my needs on the back burner. All the decisions I make in life is with them in mind. ⠀
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I feel guilty for leaving them and doing something for myself. I feel guilty for wanting a break. I feel guilty for wanting to pursue dreams or goals I have because I know I’m so lucky to be able to stay at home and take care of them.
My mind is a roadblock for me to the point I don’t even know how to be anything other than a mother. I forgot who I was before I had them. ⠀
When I have free time, I have no clue what to do with it. I don’t even know what I need. What fills my cup. It came to the point where no amount of bubble baths, wine, podcasts, etc. could give me the break I needed. ⠀
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I don’t know how to be both me and a mom if I’m being one hundred percent honest. And I also feel guilty pursuing me outside of being a mother.
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Motherhood has shown me strengths I never knew I had but it has also shown me weaknesses I have never faced before in my life. Weaknesses I have always had. ⠀
But when you become a mother, you want to be perfect for your children. And in that pursuit of perfection, I have discovered my pitfall.
Fear of failure. Fear of not being loved. Fear of not being worthy. Fear of not being enough.
I had to experience losing my identity in motherhood so I can truly find myself. I want my boys to not only see me as their mother but I want them to know who I am as a person. I want them to know how to be themselves without fear of judgment. I want them to be confident in themselves. I want them to love themselves. ⠀
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And it starts with me. I have a long ways to go. But I’m ready to start questioning my thoughts, confronting my feelings, and figuring out who I am.
If you lost yourself to motherhood, just know that you can and will find yourself again. Being a mama and a wife, is my favorite part about myself, but it’s not all I am.
In conclusion,
I hope that by sharing my story it brings reassurance that you aren’t alone and it’s okay if you have experienced losing your identity in motherhood. I truly believe that this struggle is going to not only make me a stronger mother but lead me to finding my true self. I plan on making a post on ways to find yourself again. If you haven’t subscribed, then make sure you do so you can be notified when the next post is published. You got this mama! I’m rooting for you!
I have certainly felt this way as a military wife, and a mother next. Prior to my family, I was a high earning career woman. I felt like my identity got lost. Hang in there! It helps to know that our identity shouldn’t be grounded on things that can go away, but through our faith and strength of character.
Thank you for that! You are so right!! <3
Erin, your post is so timely. Thank you for so bravely sharing. I’m so glad you have recognized that you want to get back in touch with who you are and what your passions outside of motherhood are. It is so important that our kids see us being our full, healthy, vibrant selves! I JUST listened to a podcast episode yesterday that talks about this – here’s the link if you’re interested to hear it too! (Not anything I’m associated with, just something I found helpful and wanted to share.) Take care and know I am rooting for you as you continue to rediscover what makes you happy and fills your cup!
Thank you SO much!! I will definitely check that podcast out! I appreciate the recommendation. <3
This is so relatable. I went from working full time, to becoming a full time mom. It was a big adjustment. I pretty much stopped being myself, and stopped doing the things I enjoyed (hiking, reading, etc), not to mention that motherhood is so isolating.
Yes, for sure! I did the same exact thing!
This is so true! I had my son at 19 yrs old and just at the age of 30 I’m learn g to really understand and to get to know myself again. It’s been a huge journey that I’m still going through.
Yes, it is such a big journey! It’s definitely one we will be on for life! <3 Thank you for reading.
I also feel guilty pursuing myself outside of being a mother. I am going back to school this year though, it was a hard decision but it is something that I needed to do for myself. I feel that by redefining who I am as a person I can become a better mom! I loved your article!
Yes, could not agree more! And congratulations, I am so proud of for doing something for yourself!!